My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
