Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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