guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
