Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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