i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
