Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
