It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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