think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
