Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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