Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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