Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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