Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
