I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
