also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
