yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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