the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
