I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
