i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
