it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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