it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
