Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My bed smells like the plague
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
