I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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