My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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