He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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