Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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