We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize