I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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