So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
