I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
