Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
