buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
