he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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