You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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