just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize