Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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