does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
