Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
