Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
