hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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