tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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