I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
