did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize