so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
