I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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