I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
