My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
