I think my vagina is haunted
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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