Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
