White coat. Heels.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
