Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
