the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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