a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A bitchslap is in order.
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