Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
