So drunk its hurt
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
