So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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