I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
