Do vagina's smell?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
