I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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