i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
