So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
