We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found your dick twin last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
