is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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