I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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