There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize