Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
