I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
