I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
