Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
