Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
