Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
