Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize