How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
