So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
