if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize