Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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