she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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