come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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