You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize