she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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