I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
