he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize