she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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