I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
