I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
only you would photoshop your dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
