I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its liver damage thursday
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
