Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
