my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize