i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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