Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
