Ambien. No doubt about it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
