you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
