Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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