I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
