Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
