im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
