kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did I show you my penis last night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
