I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
