My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
