I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
