A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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