We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
