I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
