this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have aggressive nipples.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
