This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People in love make me want to vomit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
