Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
