i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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