I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
