I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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