Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
