Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
