I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
