Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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